Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Dark clouds on the horizon

Where to start.... I have started and rewritten this post a few times in the last 30 minutes.  The words are there they are just like spaghetti in my head.  Feelings and emotions entwined like a sea of serpents and until I untangle one of them none will make sense.

I have suffered from depression several times in my life and don't feel it is anything to be ashamed about nor, to me, is a badge of honour or a taboo subject - let's face it almost everyone will be affected by it and what's the statistic, is it 1 in 4 will suffer from it at some time in their lives?  From this past experience of depression I know I am started to edge near the hole of blackness as I used to call it.

Depression at that time felt like a well of darkness and on good days I was far from the edge but darker days saw me starting down in the black mirths of my well. The strange thing is I have so many reasons to feel anything other than depressed and I started January with a sense of vigour and excitement.

My depression is usually caused by stress and feeling pressured.

I wanted to just get this down on cyber paper so I can know when the dark clouds start retreating and I do not feel as stressed, low and fed up as I do today.  Without a stick to measure by I may miss a silver lining in them and that is exactly what I need right now...